Notepad

I wish I still would think like I did a year ago.

Physically- I would just simply just like someone who is comfortable under his own skin.

Trait- I like a guy that is a sweetheart. I want a guy that I can take care of and wants to do the same in return. I would like an all American boy at heart.

If that doesn’t answer your question, just ask another

Ask me anything

I would do something to do with animals.

Ask me anything

one day yes, but not as of now.

Ask me anything

As the incense burns,

The smoke clouds my view. It keeps my thoughts right in front of me. So nothing can be over looked. It slows down the time, I pick myself out of the picture and view it like a painting in the gallery of art. With each thought, emotion, is a paint stroke. This artwork is what I call my life. Sometimes it is abstact, some are master pieces.

So Im tipsy!! Oh my!! I know right. But theres a cute boy on the other side. Hes a sweetheart, but I hope this doesnt scare him away. Ahhhhh I like this feeling. I dont know why I dont do this more often!! HAHAHA! Just joking! OH!! and I got a new phone!! YAY!

a creeptastic 19th birthday!

I have this uncontrollable feeling. This feeling isn’t the greatest all the time. Its a recurrence day by day. I have tried many things to get it away but, at last it comes back. Espisally when I see someone, even if we don’t have any physical contact, or even communicate with each other. The situation plays off in my head, like a black and white movie from the early 40s. No sound just images, and could of been and or be. This feeling is hopeless, endless and corrupting. In the past couple of weeks, many things have changed in me, or I have changed differently. Points like this is where, I wish there was a story line that I could follow, or lead myself towards. I do enjoy this quote ” You are the screenwriter, You write what happens.” It easies things a bit but, at the same time it doesn’t. Good night loves.

It feels like I’m falling back in old habits. Which doesn’t mean they are bad but they are not total good either. I have just expierence the biggest heart break that I have ever indeared. Words could not describe the emotions I feel. And now I have this doubt feeling that this other thing isnt working. And I know when doubt comes into the picture, it could be one its not going to be good or two its nothing… I wish I had my old friends. Sometimes I wish I had a friend that does not have too much to do,  someone just to check in on me. I am lost.

FUCK YOU PANIC ATTACKS. I am tired for feeling for you, I am tired of being hurt by you. But I STILL FUCKING LOVE YOU. I will always wait for you. I wish I didnt have worry, question anything about you. And the thoughts of you make me soo happy, but in the sense of fear I will have an……..attack